I used to know you...
by Mana-chan1
Summary: *FINAL CHAPTER* Even suffering comes to an end... A TasukixKouji fic. Angst & Yaoi. Please review.
1. Prologue

My first FY fic. ^^ Please be nice and review it.  
  
Oh, and by the way, I don't own the characters, so please don't sue me.  
  
You'll note that my timeline is a little bit confusing, so let's just put that this fic is in a alternative timeline and that's it. o_O (like, in this timeline, the bandits of Mt.Reikaku don't go to the war between Konan and Kutou). Gomen ne ^^  
  
~ mana-chan ~ ^.^  
  
I used to know you...  
  
Prologue  
  
It's been what ? Eight, nine months ? I surely wouldn't know. I barely realized it had passed so much time since he left. Somehow, now that I come to think of it, it feels like years have passed since then. Just like a few seconds would do, tricking me as the fool I am.  
  
I can't tell if all this time that passed me by has changed me at all. I feel like I'm my usual self. The others just stare at me and babble about how I've become mature so fast. People tend to evolve, don't they ? I wonder it so. I wonder if he has changed as well. Such a long time...  
  
It is unusually quiet without him here. Even though it's been almost a year, I still couldn't get used to the silence. He couldn't stand it either. He'd just start whistling, or singing the first dumb song that'd come to his mind. I'd tell him to shut up, and then he'd say I could just go straight to hell. Sometimes we exchanged a few punches because of that.  
  
I thought that after this red-headed fella of mine had left I couldn't make it being the leader alone. It was the best for everyone, so he said. He had to serve as a seishi loyal to the Priestess of Suzaku. I was astonished at how that fanged-boy who usually didn't care for anything suddenly became responsible towards his duties. Was it fate ? Hell, I don't believe in a stupid thing such as 'meant to be'. All of us, every single bandit from this group, we all knew that one day Genrou would leave. He is so much like a restless bird, always trying to break through his cage. I predicted that.  
  
Friendship wasn't too much of strong tie. He'd have stayed here if that was true. Suddenly I realized I was being the same ol' self centered Kouji. I was hurt like hell for the inside, but wanting to be as tough as I could to him, I wasn't able to cry. At least not in front of Genrou.  
  
I've heard, everywhere our group traveled, about the adventures of the Priestess and her seishis. Our Genrou became suddenly known all over as Tasuki. He was no longer Genrou.  
  
Genrou had died, but no one ever knew about the burial. 


	2. Empty

Okay, this is supposed to be yaoi (Tasuki x Kouji), but I'll continue it if at least one person review this. I would be sooo glad... ^^  
  
And again, I don't own the characters. FY exists thanks to the creative mind of Watase Yuu. Ando so does Tasuki and Kouji. *droools*  
  
~mana-chan~  
  
Chapter One  
  
- Damn you, Toshi, can't yer do anything right ?  
  
Kouji's eyes were almost spitting fire. He felt like knocking down the other bandit just from staring at him. How could he have done something so stupid like that, letting the group be discovered ? They had to come back to Mt.Reikaku with bare hands, without money plus starving.  
  
- Gomen ne, I didn't mean to ... - Kouji held the man by his shirt.  
  
- Enough with your excuses. - said Kouji, letting go of the bandit. - It's over now, anyway.  
  
Failure was na uninvited word those days. But with the war going on between Konan and Kutou, food had become scarse and expensive too. Whether they fought to survive or starved to death, it was all in Kouji's hands. He was the leader after all. That's why he felt so upset over even the smallest mistakes their group made.  
  
Toshi sighed, watching together to the other bandits as Kouji sat bu the fire, burying his head in his hands. Kouji let escape a small sigh, ignoring the presence of the others. He lied down, staring at the sky. The sunset sun lit Kouji's face, making him look even younger. The only thing that pointed out the harsh life they had was that so familiar scar in Kouji's face.  
  
No one could find any words to say. Their boss looked miserable this way, his eyes gazing at nothing, the desolate look in his young, handsome face. Not much time ago, wasn't he just a teenager ? When Genrou was with them. Apart from his young looks, after Genrou left, Kouji had aged a lot. As well as his fisionomy, he looked like a grown up man now.  
  
- Hey chief, we're all sorry for what happened, we ... - one of the bandits started, but was interrupted when Toshi shook his head, making a sign for him to stop. That wasn't the right time for that kind of talk. They were all surprised, though, when they heard Kouji answering.  
  
- No bother. It's not yer fault. Thing's been that difficult lately for everyone, right ? - Kouji sat still again, throwing little stones at the fire as to distract himself.  
  
- Yeah, right. - agreed one of them, who was still trying to understand what was going on. - I... I've heard that a rich traveller has bought a... house here in Mt.Reikaku... - suddenly everyone became interested in what the bandit was saying. - ... he must have brought all his money with him, right ? Toshi said that he probably didn't move to the capital of Konan because of the war.  
  
Kouji's eyes were shining with the possibility. The other bandits were getting excited with the idea as well. Money, consequently food, and plus, a nice place to crash.  
  
- Do you have the directions to this place ? - asked Kouji, fiercily peering into the eyes of the other. He nodded, finally.  
  
Kouji grinned, while the others waited anxiously.  
  
- Hey, fellas. Seems like we'll have a great party tonight.  
  
The preparations for their 'little invasion' were filled with excitment and expectations. They improvised a small party, enjoying a few drinks and what was left of the food. They had been camping in the middle of the forest for a month now, since soldiers from Kutou had burned their hideplace in the mountains. No one was wounded, but they were still hurt by the inside. Their hearts screamed for revenge. The blodier, the better.  
  
Such unpleasant memories were filling Kouji's thoughts as he walked away to a small river, trying to be far from all that happiness from his friends, a kind of happiness that could never belong to him.  
  
He sat by the river, washing his face in the water. He felt somewhat bitter, he wouldn't forgive himself for having fun at a time like this. Kouji didn't have a good feeling about what was going to happen on the next night. It was awfully strange, people didn't move to Mt.Reikaku very often.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted as Kouji heard some steps coming in his direction. He turned to find Aiko leaning against a tree, gazing at the moon's reflection on the calm waters of the river.  
  
Aiko was the youngest bandit of the group. In the young age of fourteen, he already had abilities that could make a well experienced fighter cry with jealousy. Plus, he was as pretty as a boy could be. Even though he was blond, his eyes were black as pit. His face was beautiful as a girl's. However, he never acted like a child. Being found by Kouji on the verge of death, after being gang-raped at the capital, he was brought to Mt.Reikaku, where he found a new home just like the others. He was also the last member to join the group, right after Tasuki had left. When he learned about the seishi, he showed great interest and respect. However, it puzzled him the fact that no one dared to mention Tasuki's name in front of the leader, Kouji. Weren't they supposed to be best friends ?  
  
- Anou.. Kouji-san.  
  
Kouji glanced at Aiko without great interest. Aiko approached, sitting beside his boss. Kouji didn't say a word.  
  
- Why have you left the party ? Everyone's missing you.  
  
Kouji censured Aiko with his eyes, telling him silently that none of this was of his business.  
  
- I bet they don't give a damn about it. Why have YOU come here, anyway ? You should have your fun while you can.  
  
Aiko looked at their reflection in the water, sadly. Was Kouji always this harsh ? Those men talked so greatly of him, sometimes it is hard to believe it is the same man they're talking about.  
  
Seeing how the boy got disappointed, Kouji gave in a resigned sigh, and tried to make up :  
  
- Sorry 'bout that. Ya shouldn't spend yer time worrying about scum like myself, ye hear me ?  
  
- No, not at all. I... Kouji, I mean, Kouji-san is not a scum ! Kouji-san saved my life, didn't he ? - Aiko couldn't help but blushing, as he didn't find the right words to say.  
  
- You don't need to try making up for it, you don't owe me nothing. Don't worry 'bout that, boy. - Kouji gave in and smiled finally.  
  
Aiko stared ashamed at his boss. By the moonlight, Kouji reminded him of his big brother, who was killed during the attack from Kutou. His brunette skin and light eyes. The same protective smile. He remembered that day, when he screamed for his brother, even though Aiko knew he wouldn't answer anymore. THEY had killed his brother. And THEY had done this to him, they almost killed him too. If it weren't for Kouji he'd have...  
  
Aiko gasped, trembling suddenly. Noticing the fear in the boy's face, Kouji protectively pet the boy in the head.  
  
- It's okay, that scums won't hurt ya anymore.  
  
Aiko smiled, the sense of relief flooding in his heart.  
  
- You see ? They were the real scum. Not you. You're a hero, just like oni-chan. He died trying to save me.  
  
Kouji looked sad at the boy. He felt ashamed of himself, his reasons to be depressed became suddenly so stupid and shallow. The little boy beside him has suffered so much, even though he was still a child. Aiko felt angry at himself when he noticed the pain in Kouji's eyes.  
  
- Kouji-san had someone that is like a big brother to him too, didn't he ?  
  
Kouji was taken by surprise, forgetting the thoughts that had come to him. Of course he had. A big brother that he could count on all the time, his best buddy and confident. But it was all changed, wasn't it ? The show must go on now, thought bitterly Kouji. He had to go on by himself.  
  
Confused by Kouji's silence, Aiko decided to speak for him :  
  
- It's Tasuki, right ? Toshi told me...  
  
- Toshi has too much of a big mouth. He oughtta keep it shut if he doesn't want any trouble. I have no business with this Tasuki guy, ya hear me ?  
  
Aiko gasped again, this time holding his breath. Kouji had the power to make him feel uneasy and uncomfortable all the time. Despite the hurt look in Kouji's eyes, his answer was harsh and angry.  
  
Kouji grabbed a small stone and threw it in the water. Its fall produced small waves, blurring his own reflection.  
  
- Nevermind Tasuki, ya know ? He left a long time ago, and hasn't come back since then. I hope he doesn't anymore.  
  
- Uso... - whispered Aiko, but being overheard by Kouji he continued : - Kouji-san is lying. His mouth says one thing, yet his eyes cry out another.  
  
Kouji remained silent, thinking with himself since when has he become that predictable. He felt deceiving himself all the time, yet he could not deceive the others. He was an adult behaving like a little child.  
  
- You know nothing about it. Tasuki...  
  
- No, I don't. - answered Aiko. - But what I've heard of Tasuki was that he was the best friend of Kouji-san.  
  
- You're wrong. Genrou was my best friend. Bu he is dead now. I know nothing about this Tasuki guy everyone talks so highly about.  
  
Aiko remained thoughtful for some minutes. For Kouji's surprise, Aiko simply started laughing while looking at him.  
  
- I see it then, Kouji-san. But you see, Genrou-san is not dead. When Kouji-san became the leader, he didn't die, did he ? Maybe that is, if the olf Kouji-san is alive, then Genrou-san must be missing him somewhere.  
  
Astounded, Kouji couldn't find any words to say. Had this come from a fourteen-year-old boy ? It didn't seem like so. However, there was some truth lying hidden in Aiko's words, some truth that Kouji would take a lot of time before admitting to himself.  
  
Aiko got up, decided to leave Kouji by himself. He'd probably have a lot of thinking to do. The boy then smiled :  
  
- Oyasuminasai, Kouji-san. I'm too tired to go back to the party, so I think I'll just go to sleep. Kouji-san should do the same, ne ?  
  
Kouji looked up the the boy, smiling faintly.  
  
- Hai. Oyasuminasai, Aiko.  
  
Before the boy disappeared throught the trees, Kouji thought how the boy behaved himself like a big brother. A sweer resemblance to Him...  
  
Kouji lied down, and in a few minutes he had already fallen asleep. 


	3. Empty Pride

Hellow once more ! ^^ Wow, my fic got reviewed ! Thanks a looot ! I really wasn't waiting for that, since i posted this fic just as a experience. I wasn't even thinking about finishing it, but hey, don't worry, now I am. ^^ heheh..  
  
Oh, I forgot to mention that I kinda... inserted original characters.. heh. Toshi and Aiko. Aiko is gonna have a important role in the story. But I'm not gonna tell yet ! Bwahah ! I'm evil ! And I'm not gonna tell when Tasuki is going to make his so waited appearance ! Bwhahahah ! Mostly like because even I still don't know when he is going to show up ! God, I'm such a messy writer.. o_O  
  
Thanks for your support ! ^^  
  
~Mana-chan~  
  
Chapter Two : Emty Pride  
  
Everything was set the next night. Carrying blades, hand-knives and all kinds of swords, the bandits of Mt.Reikaku were ready to fight and kick some ass. I was again all about survival, right ? the stronger beats the weaker. One win, one lose.  
  
When the moon was at its highest in the sky, Kouji and the others were already watching that house, so beautifully built at the foot of their mountain. There were packages all around the place, what meant that the moving wasn't over yet.  
  
Kouji stared carefully, trying to come out with a plan. Toshi was in charge of watching their backs again, this time with the promise that he wouldn't fail. He couldn't. For this time, everyone could get killed.  
  
Aiko, who stood by Kouji's side during all this time, whispered at his boss, while pointing at some packages near a horse.  
  
- Kouji-san, look !  
  
- What ?  
  
Kouji turned to look at the package, but his attention was stolen by some men who approached examining the package with great interest. Kouji froze when he understood what was going on.  
  
At that very instant, Toshi came running, white as a ghost. Aiko prepared to scold him for leaving his place, but as he saw the exchange of looks between Kouji and Toshi, he started to get worried himself. Turning to look again at the package, he felt a chill going down his spine when he saw the men taking weaponry from the boxes.  
  
- Chief, they're...  
  
- Yup. - interrupted Kouji, giving a quick glance to those men, who were now busy as they carried those guns inside the house. - Kutou soldiers.  
  
Aiko was astonished. He started to feel dizzy, like the whole world was spinning around himself. His heart was beating so loudly that he suddenly feared that the soldiers could hear it. No, he couldn't. He couldn't cry in front of Kouji, in front of all of them. He felt a hand in his shoulder, comforting him. Kouji. Was everything going to be ok ? Aiko had bad feeling about what was going to happen.  
  
- Kouji-san, it's dangerous ! Shouldn't we go back ? Onegai, Kouji-san !  
  
- Hey kid. - Kouji's voice had a cold, but solemn tone. - Ya know better than anyone else in here that we can't go back.  
  
- Demo... - Aiko was almost bursting into tears, but Kouji was not going to change his mind, and Aiko knew that.  
  
Toshi interrupted them, his eyes still following the soldiers' moves.  
  
- Those are... western guns.  
  
Kouji agreed, a sparkle of fear shining in his deep blue eyes.  
  
- Warn the others about that. We'll get our bloody revenge today.  
  
Aiko turned pale, but Kouji didn't comfort him this time. He sneaked nearer the house, trying to hear what the soldiers were talking.  
  
One of them examined one of the guns, smiling :  
  
- Damn that Nakago guy, heh ? Still ordering us even after the bastard is dead.  
  
- Betcha. After we finish the capital we might even execute the heir to the throne, so we wouldn't have any more problems.  
  
- Heh. I think Nakago is happy wherever he is now. Saihitei is dead, and many others suzaku seishis are dead as well.  
  
Kouji gasped, suddenly starting to feel sick. Dead ? He had heard about the death of Saihitei, but then it occured to him, how many others had died ? Could Tasuki possibly be... ?  
  
No. That was impossible, Kouji could bet his own life on how Tasuki wouldn't let himself get killed that easily. But Saihitei... Hotohori was such an impressible swordsman, and even him lost a battle that costed his life. Of course, Tasuki wasn't fighting bare handed. He had that powerful iron fan with him. However, we cannot fool our own hearts, and the truth was that doubt was conquering its space in Kouji's.  
  
Toshi and Aiko gazed at Kouji, fearing the worst. Their boss was cursing, while he watched the soldiers.  
  
Aiko approached, worried :  
  
- Kouji-san... shouldn't we back off a little ? I mean, those man might be able to spot us from there.  
  
Kouji ordered the boy to be silent, while he searched for his small dagger. Aiko was shaking with fear, and Toshi still wasn't prepared to tell the other bandits their real situation. Would they make it alive ? It was true, they were many, but against fire guns, number sometimes didn't count as a pro.  
  
- We're all going to die... - whispered Toshi, worried.  
  
Aiko gasped. No, they shouldn't think this way, they were going to be winners at the end ! What Toshi said wasn't the truth. It could never be. Poor Aiko couldn't control himself anymore, as he screamed to Toshi :  
  
- Don't say that !  
  
- Who's there ? - the soldiers promptly yelled, wielding his sword.  
  
Damn. Aiko, realizing his mistake, put his hands over his mouth, trembling. Toshi couldn't react, as he saw Kouji looking at the little boy. There was a blank look in his eyes, like he was being posessed by some sort of demon. He then simply blinked, and grabbed another dagger.  
  
- Well, fuck. - He got up, confronting the soldier. - Oi, you, moron ! Over here ! Are ya ready ta have yer ass kicked ?!  
  
The soldier remained staring at Kouji, and Kouji kept on staring at him with the same wicked look in his eyes. The moment seemed to last for ever, as Aiko started praying and Toshi ran as fast as he could, screaming to the others :  
  
- C'mon guys, let's burn this goddamn place down !!!!  
  
And as soon as Aiko's childish eyes could realize, the place had turned into a battle camp. He did his best to hide himself behind some packages, just as Kouji had ordered. But he felt terrified, should he really stick to his boss' orders ? He peeked above the boxes, and his eyes soon found Kouji in a violent combat with one of the soldiers. Everyone was fighting but him. That seemed so unfair, but he knew he wouldn't be of great help, so he remained there, watching as his friends fought for what they believed that was a fair revenge.  
  
Kouji fought with all experience he had, dodging the attacks with his daggers. He was incredibly quick without using swords, he felt more freedom this way. And even though he was truly doing his best, he felt the first cuts made by his oponent's swords burning in his flesh.  
  
- Oh my god, please let everything end well... - Aiko whispered, the first tears streaming down his beautiful face.  
  
Aiko watched as he saw another soldier, dressed different of the others, watching the battle from some distance. Probably the leader, he thought. Wouldn't risk his own life for the others, right ? He was so unlike Kouji. This young leader had already cuts in both arms and face, but had beaten another soldier, and watched proudly as he fell to the floor.  
  
Fights are such a sad thing. Their reasons are all futile, if you think well. But men have something in their hearts, some sort of value which insists that they can only prove themselves strong when using their fists.  
  
Aiko was startled as he felt someone beside him. Turning around, he was finally relieved to see Toshi. He was severely wounded, but there was still a proud smile on his face. He petted Aiko's head, playfully :  
  
- What's up man, enjoying the fight ?  
  
- God Toshi, don't joke around like that. - He took some bandages he had brought with him and started nursing a deep wound in Toshi's right arm. - I-I'm worried..  
  
- No kidding. - Toshi interrupted ironically.  
  
- ..I mean.. you know who's that man ? - Aiko pointed at that stranger soldier, still watching from a safe distance.  
  
Toshi blinked, shooking his head then :  
  
- I have no idea. He seems to be really weird, huh ?  
  
- I think he is---  
  
Aiko was interrupted as a soldier appeared suddenly, attacking with his sword. Aiko was thrown to one side, and he heard as the sword hit something. Examining himself, he was happy to know it wasn't his head. He the got up, scared, and watched as Toshi knocked off the soldier with a well given punch in the stomach.  
  
- Damn you, he's just a kid, ya know ? - Toshi said as he threw the man unconscious over the packages. He then fell sat on the floor, breathing with difficulty.  
  
- Toshi-san ! - Aiko ran to help his friend, but he shook his head, saying he was ok.  
  
- Don't worry about me, I'll be ok. Now listen to me, I want you to keep an eye on that weird man over there, I've gotta talk to Kouji before something happens.  
  
- S-something like what ? - Aiko asked afraid, but got no response, as Toshi got up and ran to search for Kouji.  
  
Aiko was too distracted with his own fears to see the leader of the soldiers talking to a small group, pointing at the packages. Aiko's eyes were anxiously looking for Kouji, for he feared the worst. And the poor boy was right, something was about to happen. Suddenly the group of the soldiers dispersed, walking to the packages and opening them.  
  
Somewhere in the middle of that small war, Toshi reached Kouji, who was looking for the next soldier he'd beat. He was deeply wounded, but acted like he didn't give a damn. He became proud during battles, everyone knew that. But everything in excess is dangerous, and Kouji's pride was over its limit.  
  
- Kouji ! Kouji, I need to talk to you !  
  
- What ? - Kouji turned to Toshi angrily, and Toshi was surprised to see Kouji's shirt totally stained with blood.  
  
- Aiko found something interesting - Toshi continued, his eyes gazing at Kouji's wounds. - The leader of them is here, he--  
  
- What the hell are ya talkin' about ? You think they'd sent their leader to this place ? - Kouji interrupted. Toshi became suddenly furious :  
  
- Stop acting like you're the hero and pay attention to what I am saying ! It'd be totally convenient to them to bring along someone who knows how to deal with all this stuff...  
  
- What stuff, may I ask ? - Kouji asked sarcastically  
  
- The guns, you idiot ! Those stupid soldiers don't know how to use them, but the leader DOES ! - Toshi was now screaming, as Kouji finally kept silent.  
  
Kouji remained silent, his eyes studying the whole place. Everything seemed to be blurrying due to his loss of blood. He watched the leader examining one of the packages, and their eyes suddenly met. He grinned, ironically. Kouji felt his wrath coming back. Those were the reason of why they had been living like this. Those soldiers were the reason of their hunger and frustration. They didn't deserve to live. They never did.  
  
Kouji grabbed his dagger stronger in his hand. He felt his blood heating, and he screamed for revenge. He wouldn't back off now, it was just too stupid. How would he face the others ? Failure didn't make part of his life. He grinned back to the soldier, finally. And started walking.  
  
- Kouji, what the hell are ya doin' ? - Toshi asked, alarmed.  
  
- Taking back our goddamn house ! - yelled back Kouji, as he punched another Kutou soldier that tried to stop him. - Get outta my way, scum !  
  
- Stop, Kouji, that's suicide !! Have ya lost yer fucking mind ?!! - Toshi screamed, feeling the worst fear he had ever felt in his whole life.  
  
Kouji ran as fast as he could, knocking out soldiers along the way.  
  
The leader laughed, inviting him...  
  
He held his daggers in both hands, accepting the invitation.  
  
The man took in his hands the gun, caressing it like it was some sort of baby.  
  
A sudden loud noise made all of them freeze.  
  
Kouji...  
  
Aiko got up, startled. Everyone had suddenly stopped fighting, as enchanted by that horrible sound. Toshi stopped running, just a few steps from his boss. Kouji was taken by some impact, but managed not to fall. Instead, he looked back, and his eyes encountered Toshi's.  
  
- Toshi... what yer looking at... - Kouji said, almost whispering.  
  
Toshi's horrified face would answer it all. Blood covered the ground, and it took him a moment to realize where had all this blood come from. But then he saw it. And so did Kouji.  
  
Kouji took his hand to his chest, feeling something warm coming from him. He gazed at the pool of blood formed beneath his feet curiously. He felt no pain at all. What have done this to him ? He felt he wouldn't have much time to find out. Everything seemed to be blurrying and becoming dark for no apparent reason. He turned back to look at the soldier one last time. Damn bastard.  
  
He finally gave up, and darkness engulfed him as he fell lifeless to the ground.  
  
He couldn't hear Aiko's desperate cries, neither could he hear the soldier's laughter.  
  
*** 


	4. Final Emptiness

Hey, minna-san ! Thanks a lot for your reviews, but I need more of them in order to be happy enough to write the following chapters !! ^^ Onegai, review this ! You don't have a clue of how hard is to write in english when your first language is portuguese. So, I need your support, okky ?

Again, I don't own FY or any of the characters (despite Toshi and cutie Aiko-chan ^^), but I do own this fic. Which I think it is not something to be proud of. o_O

~ Mana-chan ~

Chapter Three

Is that how it ends ?

Am I dead or still alive ?

Such a painful existence... is it worth living this way ?

I can hear somewhere Aiko crying... goddamn kid, didn't I tell ya to be strong ? Don't cry. It's no use wasting your tears with a scum like me... no use...

Genrou... seems like we won't be meeting again.

...

Kouji seemed to be drifting somewhere between consciousness and darkness. He drifted to one and then to the other, in short periods of a non-existent time. While semi-conscious, flashes of his life flooded his mind. They were happy, sweet memories of their group whein their house still wasn't reduced to ashes. When Tasuki was still the leader, and moreover, his best friend. In his mind, he could hear Genrou's voice, with that so familiar accent, and this made Kouji feel like he was in his true home again...

...

Aiko cried, while holding Kouji's lifeless body. It was his fault, he had been so careless ! He didn't do what Toshi told him and Kouji was the one who paid the price of his stupid distraction. He could have screamed and Kouji wouldn't be shot. He'd be still alive, his eyes would still be open...

As for Toshi, he just couldn't move himself. His eyes kept gazing at Kouji's dead body, and the at the leader of the soldiers. This one kept on laughing like he had lost his mind. Toshi felt such a deep anger at this that he prayed he wouldn't lose control and end up just like Kouji.

- I guess it's better for us to end this now. - said the leader. - you lot are coming with me, I'm gonna throw you in the jail, the place where bandits belong, you know ?

Aiko was sobbing, trying in vain to control himself :

- Toshi, Kouji-san needs treatment ! He's gonna die !

Toshi closed his eyes, sighing. What was he supposed to do now ? He wasn't used to being the leader. But he knew that no one would give Kouji the proper treatment in prison. He even wondered if Kouji would make it to the prison alive. That is, if he wasn't already dead. Toshi shook his head, as to make this last thought disappear.

- Don't be so naive kid, your boss is dead already. So stop hugging this dead body and follow me. - the soldier said, ironically.

- He's not going anywhere. - Toshi interrupted, his eyes defying the soldier.

The smile on the leader's face faded, and he looked Toshi with no expression at all.

- You must be really eager to join your friend, aren't ya ? Let me make then your wish come true. - he took the gun in his hands again, aiming at Toshi.

Aiko couldn't believe what was about to happen again. The other bandits were all wounded, and there was nothing they could do. Before he realized, Aiko jumped and pushed Toshi away, just in time to hear that same loud noise again.

Toshi opened his eyes, only to find Aiko lying on top of him, unconscious. God, could the boy be dead ? For Toshi's relief, he found only a small bruise in Aiko's right arm, which was bleeding considerably. That was close. But Toshi's relief didn't last for too long. Soon he found the leader aiming at his head, a wicked expression crossing his face.

- Now, come on, don't make me waste another bullet. You two are coming with me. I'll throw both of you to the wolves ! - the soldier said, laughing aloud.

But his laughter suddenly stopped as he heard a voice behind him, threatening :

- That's my line, yer bastard.

He had no time to look behind. He only felt being surrounded and consumed by flames, as a young voice screamed :

- REKKA ...... SHINEN !

***


	5. Returning fears

Hello, minna-san ! So, did you enjoy Tasuki's hot appearance ? ^^ Now things are going to turn serious, and lots of angst ahead ! So beware ! Hope you guys like it, and please review !  
  
~ Mana-chan ~  
  
***  
  
CHAPTER FIVE - RETURNING FEARS  
  
...  
  
As far as I can recall, some things have changed since I first laid eyes upon him. But I can't quite describe it, you know, the way he makes me feel. It's just like suddenly I've become too dependent and well, stupid. When I couldn't get the meaning of his jokes would be a nice example of my last statement. I was always too naive. Before, I would look up to him secretly, because if he knew that I admired him he'd turn to be such an ass that no bandit would be patient enough with his ascending pride. I know I am like that. But soon enough, I learned about his faults and fears. Man, he didn't know how to swim ! I mean, hey, that's ridiculous, ya know ? He was terrified of water in this meaning.  
  
Also, he always babbled about how much he hated women. I'd hate women if I'd lived with HIS damily. Oh god. At least he didn't become a serial killer or something like that. That was a relief. I remember that he was an awesome friend. He could make friendships really easily. This pissed me off. Still does. But then, with a nice talk like that, even I could make friends as easily as breathing.  
  
I never had so much fun as when he was by my side. I felt complete. When he left, it was like he had taken a part of me with himself. I became such a moody and bitter person. And I blamed him about that... actually, I still do.  
  
I miss ya, Genrou... and I dun have a clue of why.  
  
...  
  
Tasuki stood by himself on the improvised camp the bandits had made, thoughtful. His gaze was lost between his wounded ex-fellas. He felt doozing off, but still couldn't sleep like the others. So, he decided to kill the time wandering through the camp, until he came to a calm small river. He stopped, amazed by the beauty of that place. Suddenly realizing how much time had passed, and how things had changed.  
  
He knew it when he met Aiko, and helped treating his wounds. There was a sparkle of admiration in the boy's eyes as he looked up to the seishi. He smiled like the innocent child he was and called Tasuki a hero. Such a sweet lie.  
  
He had spent the most part of the night chatting with Toshi. None of the other bandits had come to talk to him, and he felt truly ignored. But he said nothing, as he thought he probably deserved it. And even though he was quite disappointed, he tried to hide it the best he could.  
  
- Tch... this damn river is still here.  
  
But of course, he kept on thinking to himself. Where could it go ? He had almost drowned himself there once. But Kouji had come to his rescue soon enough. He always did.  
  
Tasuki was gazing at his own reflection in the water, feeling indifferent. He had not changed a bit. At least, that was what he thought. For when he left the group, he was a hero, and now that he had come back, he felt like he had taken the villain's place. But his appearance, it was quite the same. He had never thought of himself as being beautiful or maybe even ugly. He prefered to think of himself as an ordinary person, for this was what he really was. There was nothing really special about his red hair or deep eyes.  
  
Tasuki let his fingertips touch the surface of the water, distracted, but feeling it to be very cold, he quickly took them off. He smiled to himself, thinking that this was probably the type of place Kouji liked to hang around. But then, he knew Kouji too well, right ? Why was he the afraid of his reaction, and the mere thought of visiting his friend while he slept to recover himself seemed to be considerably stupid and useless ? Tasuki sighed. When had he become that confused ?  
  
The truth was, he didn't want to come back. But humans are like this, they can't help but feeling lonely. And he had llost so many good friends in the former battle... he was afraid to lose something more important now, something he didn't know what it was. Then he remembered Kouji, and things got even more confusing. He missed those old times, that was true. But he couldn't bring them back. He had to focus in the future now. And this was what terrified him. He couldn't make it alone...  
  
...  
  
Kouji slept peacefully, when finally the fading pain allowed him to. Before, he was merely drowned in tortuous nightmares, trying to decide whether he would live or just give up and die. These little unconscious battles were the only thing that kept him breathing still. But as he seemed to make a choice, he feel into a deep sleep, finally his body and mind getting to rest.  
  
Tasuki sneaked in the tent, immediately spotting Kouji asleep. He sighed, relieved. Carefully he entered, examining with curiosity the place. There were some swords lying on one corner of the tent, and some empty boxes on the other. Probably what was left of the food. Tasuki blinked, turning his attention to Kouji again. Aiko had really taken care of him, and bandaged him after cleaning his wounds. The young boy was really experienced at this, and didn't even faint at the sight of blood. That was relieving, for Kouji had almost bled to death.  
  
He sat by Kouji's side, careful not to wake him up. He knew that Kouji wouldn't wake that easily, but he didn't want to make any loud noises in order of not to wake up the others. He needed to be there alone with him, and he didn't want to be interrupted. Tasuki finally spoke, in a low tone, while his eyes studied his friend's face :  
  
- Gomen nasai, Kouji. I... - he swallowed, trying to find the right words. - I'm really sorry for all this... It was all my fault. But ya know, things are gonna be okay from now on. I hope. I mean... - he forced himself to stop, cursing. - Things WILL be okay. I'm sure of it. Tch, you shoulda seen, we kicked that soldiers' asses so hard the begged is crying to stop ! We got some more food and money enough for the next months too. And some nice booze, of course. The leader is fricking dead, but some bastards managed ta run away. But there's nothing ta worry 'bout those cowards. - Tasuki laughed faintly. - Anyway... - Tasuki's voice suddenly had a serious tone again, as he moved his hand to Kouji's face, to brush away a few threads of hair that were over his eyes. - Don't ya worry about your fellas, they're recovering really fast and in a few weeks they'll be ready for action again. And you too...  
  
Tasuki found himself suddenly gazing at Kouji's slightly parted lips for no particular reason. He turned his gaze away, feeling uncomfortable. He wished to hear Kouji's voice, but at the same time he was do afraid to. At least he felt relieved, for Kouji was going to be ok. But why did Kouji get so easily fooled ? He's never been that careless before. Tasuki wondered if he was trying to commit suicide or something like that.  
  
Lost in thought, Tasuki lied down beside Kouji, while staring at the ceiling. The only sound that could be heard was Kouji's smooth breathing, together with his own. As sleep invited him, Tasuki allowed himself to drift off, for a moment forgetting all of his fears.  
  
*** 


	6. Prelude to a Storm

Hi again, minna-san ! ^^ First of all, I don't know if you guys realized it, but I messed out a little with the chapters numbers. The thing is, I got a little bit confused because of the prologue, which was put as chapter one. In that meaning, this now would be chapter Six. But, since the prologue is not the chapter one (at least, it wasn't supposed to o_O), this one now is actually still chapter Five (BUT, I'm keeping it as Six). o_O. Gomenasai for all this mess, but this was my first fic with many chapters in fanfiction.net and I ended up getting somewhat confused with the numbers. ^.^ Hope you guys forgive me ! Boy, I wasn't even aware that I jumped from chapter 3 to 5... school really must be stressing the hell out of me. o_Âº Anyway, enjoy ! ^__^  
  
Thanks a lot for all of your lovely reviews, they're the only thing that make me keep on writing this fic ! Man, I love you guys ! *starts crying with hapiness* XD  
  
~Mana-chan~  
  
CHAPTER SIX  
  
I don't know whether I was dreaming or not. I just happened to hear someone's voice and a little time later, when I opened my eyes, he was lying beside me, peacefully asleep. You know that confusing feeling of not knowing what the hell hit you, but you just feel the pain ? It really depresses me. This semi-conscious state, I mean. I wanted to see if it was true, but I soon fell asleep again, and that so like illusion lying by my side faded. I didn't want it to, I wanted to touch it, but my hands were not answering. He was way too much out of my reach... So maybe, it was just a stupid dream after all. Just one more dream, like many others...  
  
...  
  
- What the hell do ya think yer doing ?! - a young voice screamed angrily.  
  
Aiko laughed out loud, splashing water at na very unpleased Tasuki, who didn't dare entering in the river. Tasuki was just wearing a pair of pants, due to the hot sun of that day. He frowned as he watched Aiko showing off while swimming.  
  
- C'mon, Tasuki-san, it's easy, see ? I can teach you ! - Aiko smiled, splashing Tasuki with water again.  
  
- Hey, don't gimme that talk. If it really was that easy, I would have learned in one of the hundred-and-something time I drowned in there, ya know ? - Tasuki kept peering at the water fearfully.  
  
Aiko sighed, shrugging.  
  
- Yeah, whatever. I'm not such a good teacher anyway. Even I already drowned here once.  
  
Tasuki grinned, pointing at the river :  
  
- Ya know, I think this river has some kind of curse in it.  
  
Aiko couldn't help but laughing. Tasuki waited for some minutes, looking at him, puzzled :  
  
- I mean it ! Yo, stop laughing, dammit !  
  
Tasuki gave up when he saw Aiko laughing so hard that there were tears in his bluish eyes. The boy had such a contagious laugh that soon enough Tasuki found himself laughing as well. Finally, when both calmed down, Aiko got out of the water, sitting beside Tasuki :  
  
- You could ask Kouji-san to teach you, don't you think ?  
  
The smile on the young seishi's face died down suddenly. Aiko gasped, wondering where did he go wrong this time. Tasuki said nothing, but it was clear that something was really bothering him.  
  
- Tasuki-san. I'm gonna ask you this, 'cause I think it would make both Kouji-san and you well. - he paused, looking at his feet immersed in the water. - Tasuki-san, I'm asking you to stay here, with all of us. With Kouji. And I want you to become the leader again.  
  
Aiko felt intimidated by Tasuki's continuous gaze over himself. But even so, he waited anxiously for na answer. He could be severely scolded by Kouji later, but this was a risk he had already accepted. He was plainly thinking about his safety, that was all.  
  
Tasuki opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but then he closed it again. Of course he'd be glad to say yes and return once and for all to the place where he truly belonged. It was not about being the leader, but protecting those whom he loved. But he couldn't say eyes, could he ? He faintly smiled at Aiko, and his answer seemed to be almost a whisper :  
  
- Sorry, I can't.  
  
- But why not ? Are you leaving that soon ? - Aiko started to feel desperate, despite Tasuki's calm behaviour. - Aren't you gonna wait 'till Kouji recovers ?  
  
- No need. You took care of him perfectly, I know he's gonna be okay.  
  
Aiko trembled. He was losing that so much important oportunity. He had to think of something. Suddenly he felt like losing control, and the first tears began to stream down his face.  
  
- What... why are ya cryin', boy ? - Tasuki asked, puzzled, as Aiko started sobbing.  
  
Aiko looked at him, angry. Tasuki had no right to do this. Was this cold- hearted person who stood before him now the glorious hero he was expecting ? God, he'd been so naive ! Kouji had been right during all that time. Genrou had died a long time ago.  
  
- You don't understand, do you ? If Kouji continues being the leader, he won't come back alive next time something like this happens ! He's killing himself ! All this is killing him ! - Aiko now screamed between sobs. Tasuki looked at him startled, but still with no action. Only when Aiko got up, he did the same. - Stop his pain, Tasuki ! Or else I won't be able to save him next time... onegai, stop it...  
  
Aiko stepped forward only to faint in the arms of a worried Tasuki. He lied the boy down, feeling scared. He was breathing with difficulty, half- conscious. Tasuki held the boy, feeling his forehead with his right hand. He whispered somewhat relieved, just as the first raindrops fell from the sky :  
  
- Just a fever...  
  
...  
  
- He's stressed out, don't worry. - Toshi said. - It was not the first time, so he's gonna be okay after some rest.  
  
Tasuki sighed, while watching Toshi covering na asleep Aiko with a blanket. It was raining cats and dogs outside. Tasuki himself sometimes was surprised by that loud thundering noise, and wondered if the tent they were in was actually that resistent.  
  
Toshi sat in the bed, gazing at Aiko as well. The boy could really be too sensitive sometimes. He got easily upset, and when this happened, he usually fell sick or fainted. But in Toshi's mind, Aiko was only feeling tired for taking care of all the others.  
  
- Wanna talk ? - Toshi asked in a friendly voice.  
  
Tasuki considered this for a moment. Taking his silence as a yes, Toshi spoke, surprising Tasuki with his words :  
  
- He asked you that, didn't he ? I knew he would do it... - Toshi waited, and saw a painful expression in Tasuki's face. - I'm sorry. He didn't have this right. I..  
  
- That's okay. - Tasuki interrupted politely. - You don't have to apologize.  
  
- So... are you considering it ? - Toshi asked with curiosity.  
  
- Nope. I already told him that.  
  
- And how did he take it ? - he asked, studying Tasuki's face.  
  
- Not very well.  
  
- Oh.  
  
Both of them made silence for a moment. Toshi petted Aiko's head, and Tasuki seemed to be suddenly sad.  
  
- So, when your leaving ? - Toshi asked, trying to show some interest, when he didn't have any at all. He felt too disappointed to feel it so.  
  
- As soon as this rain stops. - he sighed, playing with his fan. He tried to smile and make a joke about it, but he couldn't find enough energy even for a smile.  
  
Toshi nodded, now silent again. He didn't know whether to say something or keep his mouth shut. He couldn't change Tasuki's mind, and didn't know if he should even try to. Maybe this was none of his business.  
  
Their last words that night were 'oyasumi', and then they went off to sleep. In their minds worries and fears they didn't know how to solve. But in Tasuki, only one thing was for sure : if he left this time, it would be for never coming back.  
  
*** 


	7. Longing

Meooww, so here we go again ! And finally, the so (or not so ?) longed meeting ! ^-^. Wow wow, can't believe I finally wrote it. But the question is, will you like it ? I reaaally hope you do. *mana-chan praying* Well, whatever, from next chapter on I'll start using some songs to set up the mood for this fic. ^^ Till then, hope you enjoy this chapter ! ^^  
  
~Mana-chan~  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN  
  
There are times in which unknown forces make us postpone our planned decisions. It's quite ridiculous, if you come to think of it. Maybe, that's what some people call 'ironic'.  
  
Tasuki's plans had this destiny. That stupid little rain didn't last for just a few hours, but for whole days. And it didn't seem to stop that soon.  
  
Two days had passed since Aiko had asked Tasuki to stay. The boy was still recovering from his fever, what made the rain seems to be some kind of sorcery.  
  
But, that didn't matter anymore. As the rain fell down, the bandits recovered more fast. And the whole mood in the camp was pretty good, Tasuki was even beginning to have fun as Toshi told him about everything that had happened in the last months. Tasuki was glad to hear such stories. All of them had so much fun in their adventures, and become all so mature, that Tasuki started to feel a bit jealous. But still, he felt glad and relieved.  
  
Those were his best moments in a long time. Soon, the bandits came to him, and they all talked like they were old friends. There were some new faces there, and some old ones he was happy to recognize. On the third day, Aiko woke up. Tasuki and him exchanged apologies, but no one dared to talk about Aiko's request. They were happy for that very moment, that familiar reunion, and that was all. They should enjoy those moments before they were over. And someday, they would be.  
  
In that same night, they were enjoying themselves, talking and drinking. Tasuki was particullary enjoying the last one, since he was too tired of talking about his adventures as a seishi for the others to hear. He was sick of babbling about himself. Anyway, everyone was too drunk to pay any attention at all. The were all laughing and telling jokes, that weren't something really funny if you were not drunk. But Tasuki was feeling somewhat bitter. He had drank too much, he was not anymore on the 'happy drunk' stage.  
  
He then decided to walk to sober up a bit, despite the rain. When Aiko offered himself to make him company, he denied it politely. Aiko shrugged, and kept on talking to Toshi like Tasuki wasn't there at all. Tasuki then left the tent, walking towards the forest.  
  
Tasuki was somehow drifting off, hoping that the effetc of the alcohool would soon go away. After some walk, he was already feeling a lot more sober, when he suddenly realized he had come to that small river again.  
  
He was really drenched by the rain, but he didn't actually care. It even felt good. It was such a warm night, and the raindrops had a refreshing feeling. He sighed, while he sat against a tree, gazing at the water. He smiled, licking the raindrops that fell against his lips.  
  
Could he have studied his reflection in the water, he'd find himself quite attractive that night. Even though he was soaked with water, one or other raindrop managed to strem down smoothly agains his bare chest. If felt good, he felt like being caressed... he suddenly realized how lonely he was feeling. But this thought soon disappeared from his mind as he heard the noise of some leaves and grass being stepped on.  
  
He waited for a moment, for he didn't want to get up just yet. The noise was probably Aiko coming to say he'd get a cold if he didn't put on some dry clothes. He heard a loud thunder from the sky, and laughed as the rain started to fall harder. It hit him painfully, but he needed that. Pain didn't leave him time for thinking, and that was wonderful. Even it were just for a few moments.  
  
Tasuki heard some noises coming closer to him, and realized that he should go back to the tent now. It was such a pity, for that night was beautiful. No moon, no stars. Only a deep darkness, just in any other ordinary night. Ordinary just like him.  
  
Tasuki got up, as he heard the noise stops and felt a presence behind him. When he turned around, he felt like losing his breath, just as his heart froze. He stared into those deep blue eyes, that stared back into his in the same awe. His body felt tense and he couldn't find any words to say. It was like he had suddenly lost his speech and identity. The person in front of him was just as drenched. But he too didn't seem to mind. His mouth opened, and Tasuki heard that voice he had longed so much to hear, speaking smoothly :  
  
- So... I wasn't dreaming at all.  
  
"Kouji..."  
  
*** 


	8. One of Us

Meoooww ! Hellow there, minna-san ! Sorry for taking so long to write this chapter ! But finally, I had some free time and decided it was time for me to get back to work ! Yaaai ! ^^ So, I hope you guys like this chapter...  
  
Again, I don't own the characters and I'm not trying to make any money with this. I couldn't even if I tried, anyway. o_O  
  
~Mana-chan~  
  
  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT  
  
= One of Us =  
  
"E cada vez que eu fujo eu me aproximo mais  
  
E te perder de vista assim Ã© ruim demais  
  
E Ã© por isso que eu atravesso o teu futuro  
  
E faÃ§o das lembranÃ§as um lugar seguro... "  
  
(song : Quem de NÃ³s Dois / sung by : Ana Carolina)  
  
  
  
Are we, most likely, a wicked sort of puppet fate can play childishly with ? Are our paths already decided, our destiny has already been decided ? Can't we change it ? Do we always have to nod and stick up to stupid rules we don't even know who was the one who made them ? Neither of them had thought about a single question of those. Until that very moment, when their eyes met, and they asked themselves what should they do next. If we are so esily controlled by fate, how come sometimes we just don't know how to react ? Maybe those are spaces that were left in blank, by the same person who designed the rest of the plan. Maybe we're supposed to fill them on our own. Or maybe those spaces were always there, and just like every action we take, they were waiting to be noticed...  
  
...  
  
As the rain fell harder against them, some time passed withouth being noticed itself. Why would it matter, anyway ? Tasuki felt like he was caught red-handed for something he wasn't actually guilty of. Of feeling joy ? When he finally had been able to feel like he was at home again, together with people that cared about him. After spending so much time alone... was he guilty of that ? Tasuki let his eyes wander a bit, gazing at his friend's familiar face. He didn't smile, neither did he cried. He had just recovered from being shot. Was he feeling okay enough to be there, standing in front of him ? Tasuki worriedly thought of something to say, but his loss of words still made him feel somewhat stupid. And that was all he felt. He wasn't happy enough to laugh, or sad enough to cry.  
  
As for Kouji, he just stood there, while his own words echoed in his mind. Wasn't dreaming at all... Tasuki was there. That was, the same red-headed boy, those same golden eyes. That same confused expression in his face, whenever he saw Tasuki gazing at him. Was it a secret he couldn't tell, was it fear or plain hate ? Kouji felt weak, and he didn't know what kind of misteryous forces had brought him to that river. He had woken up, that was for sure. He found himself alone, and that was disappointing. For he was hoping that someone would be taking care of him for all that time. It didn't matter, since he knew he probably was asleep for the whole past days. He only remembered waking up once - and this only time, even though it was for some minutes, was the reason he was standing up there in that very moment. The person he had seen asleep by his side could not be an illusion.  
  
Like he had suddenly regained consciousness of what was truly happening, Kouji looked up, and blinked as the rain fell over his face. For how long had it been raining ? He felt soaked, and cold. Very cold. He shivered as he looked up to the sky, totally distracted again. A sudden smile crossed Kouji's lips, and he spoke again, smoothly as before :  
  
- God, it's raining so hard.  
  
Tasuki also looked up, without realizing. It seemed so natural, both of them being there, together again. Just like it had been always. Tasuki missed that so much. And he knew it.  
  
Kouji's eyes turned away to look at Tasuki once more. This one was surprised to be the center of Kouji's attention. Kouji still smiled faintly, still shivering. He blinked, and continued :  
  
- You must be very cold, don't you ? You should go back to the camp and change those clothes ---  
  
- What about ya ? - Tasuki interrupted, barely hearing the sound of his own voice.  
  
Kouji blinked again.  
  
- I'm just fine.  
  
- No, you're not. - Tasuki spoke, as he saw Kouji shivering, his face turning pale.  
  
- What makes you say that ?  
  
- You were shot. You didn't have enough time to recover.  
  
- I feel just fine, I already told ya that. - Kouji interrupted, more harshly this time.  
  
- Yer fricking stubborn as always. - Tasuki sighed, annoyed.  
  
- What makes you say that, I ask again ? I don't think you know me that well.  
  
Tasuki was surprised by Kouji's last words. What was happening there ? Why was Kouji behaving like that ?  
  
- Ya know, things here were doing just fine without someone to baby-sit me. Save your worry. I don't need it. - Kouji replied, coldly.  
  
They remained silent, only hearing the loud noise of the rain.  
  
Kouji looked Tasuki, searching for some signal of disappointment. But what he found was more than that. Tasuki's golden eyes were now reflecting plain sadness. He wasn't angry or annoyed like he would usually be. He looked almost like... he was hurt. Kouji's heart ached at that sight. But human beings are frightnently weak when it comes about transmitting feelings. They fake it, and try to hide it the best they can. And Tasuki's sincere reaction made Kouji frustrated at the words he had said before. But he wouldn't take them back. Instead of apologizing, Kouji threw out his final question :  
  
- Why did you come back ?  
  
Same words can have different meanings when we say them with a different entonation. And Kouji's simple question, instead of sounding desperate like it was supposed to, sounded threatening, the worst way it could sound.  
  
Tasuki stepped back, feeling suddenly dizzy. He tried to say something, but he had lost his voice again. Did he actually have a reason ? It should be his fault, coming back like this, barging in their lives once more, without being invited. His eyes looked for Kouji's, but Kouji wouldn't look him in the eys again. Not in that nigt anymore. Kouji gazed at the river, waiting fearfully to hear Tasuki's voice. But he knew he wouldn't. At least, not in that nigt anymore...  
  
Soon enough, both of them heard some steps and then a young voice screaming :  
  
- Tasuki-san ! Kouji-san is gone !  
  
Kouji smiled to himself. He was shivering harder now, but he didn't know if what he felt was actually cold. He just watched as everything became dark once more, and the last thing he heard was not Tasuki's voice, but Aiko's worried screaming.  
  
...  
  
Tasuki buried his face in his pillow, cursing. He couldn't sleep again. That was just perfect. He should get enough rest in order to leave in the next morning, as he had decided to head off for Konan's capital again. But many thoughts kept him from closing his eyes. And mixed with those thoughts, there were memories. Memories of a happy time when he and Kouji behaved like brothers, like the best friends they were. As to get rid of those thoughts, Tasuki got up, walking carefully out of the tent. When he looked at the dark sky above his head, he sighed relieved. He probably had some hours before daybreak.  
  
It was then that he felt a hand on his shoulder, and caught by surprised, was ready to open his mouth to scream like the world was about to end, if it was not for a hand that covered his mouth suddenly.  
  
- What, are you insane ? Do you want to wake everyone up ? - Tasuki heard the voice say, and the hand finally released his mouth, so that he could answer.  
  
Tasuki turned around to find Toshi gazing at him ironically. He sighed.  
  
- I only came here because I knew you would try to leave while everyone was asleep.  
  
Tasuki looked Toshi surprised, while he raised an eyebrown and continued :  
  
- What, genius, you think no one would figure it out ? Give me a fucking break.  
  
Toshi sat by the fireplace, that was almost dying out. He threw some firewood at it, distracted. Tasuki sat beside him, sighing. Toshi waited for a moment and continued :  
  
- I'm gonna beat the hell out of you if you actually do something as stupid as that. Your not leaving.  
  
It was Tasuki's turn to raise an eyebrown :  
  
- Wow, are we becoming violent now ?  
  
- Don't give me that crap. Shut up and listen to what I have to say.  
  
- I won't. - Tasuki interrupted. - You're gonna give me another lecture about Kouji, and I really don't feel like hearing it. I think I've had enough of this. We all had.  
  
Toshi looked at Tasuki, who gazed at the fire without much interest.  
  
- I won't force you to hear me. But I know that something's quite strange here, and I want to try to make things better if I can.  
  
- You're not being clear. I don't have the whole time of the world, ya know.  
  
Toshi sighed.  
  
- You know, Aiko was right in asking you to stay. I understand what he was trying to do now. But, this request, he is not the one supposed to ask it. But, again, I can't force people to do what they don't want to. But if it is possible, I'll try to do what I think it's the best for them. I care for Kouji. He was the one that made me see that I actually had goals in my life. Even though I'm still pursuing them. But Kouji... I'm afraid he doesn't have anything to live for. He once had. A long time ago, I guess. But... of course, he would never talk about it with me. He's tired, Tasuki. You don't need to know him very well to see that. And I know that better than anyone else in here, you realized that.  
  
Tasuki remained silent, as Toshi continued :  
  
- I won't ask you anything. If you want to leave, I won't stop you. You're not a child aymore. But I know what you are feeling. However, I suspect that you yourself don't.  
  
Tasuki looked puzzled at Toshi, who just ignored his confused expression and continued :  
  
- And I suspect that Kouji is the one who just doesn't have a clue of what is happening at all. You know, Tasuki, that he does not refer to you as Genrou anymore ? When he speaks of Tasuki, it's like he's speaking of someone he doesn't know quite well as he did know Genrou. It's actually weird. And I was taking care of him just the other night, when he still had a fever. And the funny thing is, he kept calling for Genrou.  
  
- What... - Tasuki interrupted for the first time. - What did he call me for ?  
  
Toshi smiled as he watched the red flames, lively red like Tasuki's hair.  
  
- He asked Genrou not to leave him anymore.  
  
Both became silent for some minutes. Toshi got up, finally :  
  
- Tasuki is not needed here. So, if you have any bounds with your seshi's duties, you should leave. Otherwise, you should stay, not as Tasuki, but as Genrou. For you see, we don't need someone who's gonna leave us by ourselves once more. Kouji wouldn't take that again... he couldn't take something like that. I hope you understand, I'm asking you again to stay. But unlike Aiko asked, this request is not for Tasuki, but for Genrou.  
  
Having said that, Toshi left without saying any more words, and leaving a thoughtful Tasuki behind him. After some minutes, Tasuki got up, and entered the tent again. And for the first time in days, he slept peacefully, sure of what he was about to do next. 


	9. Tears I Cried

Yeah ! Finally ! I finally did it ! ^^ You didn't think I was actually going to end this fic someday, heh ? Me neither... bwahahah.. ^^ I'm sorry for taking such a long time to finish it... And I'm sorry for finishing it so soon. I think I could have continued for some chapters, but I wouldn't find any time to write them, so I decided it was better to stop poor Kouji- san's suffering. ^_^ I want to say thanks again to everyone who bothered to review this fic... arigatou gozaimashita, minna-san ! You have no idea of how important your support was for me ! ^^  
  
Hope you enjoy this last chapter... and if you really like it, please let me know ! ^^ I'll be glad to answer any e-mail I receive.. Ja Ne !!! ^__^  
  
~Mana-Chan~  
  
  
  
CHAPTER NINE  
  
I wish everything was different. And at the same time, I wish everything hadn't changed. It's so difficult for me to get used to changes. And whenever I gazed at those golden eyes, they made me see my own unhappiness, because I was just as mizerable as when he left. However, he had changed... at least, it seemed to me that he had. He had learned and seen things that I hadn't. Before, we would had lived those kind of experiences together. But now, everything that he experienced came to my knowledge as coments made by others. Others who didn't even know him like I used to...  
  
...  
  
Tasuki peeped cautiosly into Kouji's tent, feeling relieved after finding out that no one was actually in there. He entered it, walking while he explored the place with his eyes. Finally, he founded what he wanted : a box with some of Kouji's stuff, which he rarely allowed anyone to get even close to. Tasuki knew it would be there, a box with Kouji's most precious treasures. Treasures that didn't worth any money, and could never be replaced.  
  
He searched through all the stuff that was inside the box, nervous. What if he was wrong ? What if Kouji got rid of it ? Then this would be the proof that all that didn't matter anymore. It would be better for him to leave then, for all he once feared would be right.  
  
Old papers, a rusty dagger, some coins... where the hell could it be ? Tasuki cursed, sitting beside the box in order to look better. Once in a while, he casted a glance towards the door, cheked if no one was coming, and then he countinued on his search, each time more impatient. Suddenly, he smiled to himself, pulling something out of the box :  
  
- So, ya've been hiding there all the time, heh ?  
  
It was nothing but an old necklace, pretty much like the ones Tasuki usually wears. He held this one in his hands with so much care as it would suddenly break. He laughed now, as he still kept his eyes over the necklace, amazed :  
  
- Damn you Kouji, yer so predictable.. that's what I most like...  
  
Tasuki put the necklace on his own neck, and left the tent, looking at the box one last time :  
  
-... what I most like about you.  
  
...  
  
- So, did you find it ?  
  
- Oh, yeah. It was where I knew it would be. How did you...  
  
Aiko laughed at Tasuki's confused face :  
  
- Ne, Tasuki-san. Wouldn't you do the same thing if you were him ?  
  
Tasuki glanced at his own necklace once more, sighing. Aiko continued :  
  
- I find it very funny at how people become attached to objects like this. It doesn't make any sense at all, you know.  
  
Tasuki smirked, nodding. Aiko asked, finally :  
  
- Tasuki-san, if this necklace belonged to you, what was it doing in the middle of Kouji's stuff ?  
  
- I gave it to him.  
  
- You... what ? - Aiko blinked. - When was that ?  
  
- When I left for the capital. I left it with him, but he said he was never going to use it. He said it was too ugly. - Tasuki laughed. - I said it was only a loan. He would have to give it back to me when I returned.  
  
- What are you going to do now ? - Aiko asked, curious.  
  
Tasuki sighed, a peaceful expression on his face.  
  
- I'm gonna say to him I took it back, what else ?! - Tasuki said, before turning his back to Aiko and start running towards the forest.  
  
Aiko blinked, suddenly realizing what that meant :  
  
- Are you saying that you're gonna stay, then ?!  
  
- What do you think ? - Tasuki screamed back, before disappearing behind the trees.  
  
Aiko smiled.  
  
...  
  
Tasuki ran as fast as he could, a new excitment flooding his soul. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he didn't actually know what was he feeling. He felt happy like a careless child, yet anxious like a confused teenager. It was so much unlike him. Unlike Tasuki. This kind of feeling, however, was familiar, belonged to old times... belonged to Genrou.  
  
He arrived at the river, finally. His eyes searched anxiously for that familiar sight, but couldn't find it anywhere. Where was he ? He should be there. Toshi had told him that Kouji headed off to the river in the beginning of the morning. Since he hadn't come back since then, that was the only place where he could be...  
  
Tasuki became suddenly worried, and walked towards the river gazing cautiously at the whole place. It was desert. Kouji really wasn't there.  
  
- Kouji...  
  
Tasuki was ready to continue his search, when he suddenly stepped on something and heard a cracking sound. His heart suddenly froze. There it was, Kouji's favorite dagger, covered with blood. Tasuki suddenly couldn't breath anymore. What was the meaning of that ? He got the dagger, studying it. His hands were shaking when his eyes suddenly caught sight of stains of blood all over the grass, making a trail of blood.  
  
- Oh my god... oh, fuck...  
  
He lost control finally, and began running furiously towards that old place, while tears streamed down his face...  
  
...  
  
- Aiko-san !  
  
Aiko turned around, to find a pale, worried Toshi looking at him.  
  
- W-what happened ?  
  
Toshi gasped, and Aiko realized scared that Toshi was trembling with fear.  
  
- Kouji... Kouji is...  
  
Aiko felt suddenly invaded by horror, as he realized what had happened :  
  
- NOOO !!!  
  
...  
  
Genrou ran incited by the terror he felt. His first thought was the house. The remains of their old house. That was the only possible place were Kouji could be hiding himself... that was the only place that trail of blood led to.  
  
And there were the remains of their burned house. The first place Genrou had truly called home. It was were there are now only ashes, but memories are more than enough to bring him back that familiar feeling of safety.  
  
Now Genrou walked slowly, his eyes afraid to find the worst. He heard at first a low sound, and paying more attention to it, he discovered it to be a faint cry. He followed the sound, suddenly feeling himself grow calmer. His eyes suddenly found what he had been looking for all that time. Kouji was sitting beside a burned tree, cuddled up, his arms embracing himself. He sobbed faintly, and didn't seem to notice Genrou's presence. Genrou took some steps towards him, until Kouji realized that he wasn't alone anymore and his eyes met those golden ones.  
  
Genrou looked sadly at those blue eyes, blurred by tears. He crouched himself in front of Kouji, who just stood like that, his gaze over Genrou as if he was afraid to be scolded. Both of Kouji's wrists were covered with blood. Genrou didn't seem to be much surprised at the fact that Kouji had tried to kill himself. At that point, anyway, there wasn't much that could surprise him despite his own self. Kouji opened his mouth to say something, and Genrou kept on gazing at him with a calm expression.  
  
- I.. I just couldn't do it. - Kouji mumbled weakly.  
  
- I knew that. - Genrou answered, calmly. - I couldn't either.  
  
Kouji smiled faintly, gazing at his own wrists.  
  
- I'm happy you couldn't. - Genrou continued, surprising Kouji.  
  
Kouji looked at Genrou, caught by surprise.  
  
- Why ?  
  
- Because I wouldn't be able to tell you that I took this back. - Genrou opened his shirt, showing the necklace hanging on his neck.  
  
Kouji's eyes were amazed by the sight of that old necklace. Genrou was wearing it. Could that mean...  
  
- Why are you doing this ? I don't need your pity. - Kouji replied cold, just as Genrou knew he would.  
  
- Because I want to. I don't give a damn if you think I'm doing this out of pity. Besides, why would you bother about the necklace, anyway, if you think it's so ugly ?  
  
Kouji stopped for a moment, just in time to gasp for breath and burst out from laughing. Genrou was now finally surprised, for he blushed and started laughing as well.  
  
Their laughter soon died out, and their gazes met again. For some reason, Genrou felt his heart racing. Kouji looked at him with some sadness hidden in his eyes.  
  
- You... you didn't answer my question... at that time... - Kouji continued, faintly.  
  
Genrou blinked, surprised.  
  
- Tasuki... why did you come back ?  
  
Genrou sighed. He saw that coming. However, he didn't know if he was ready to answer. But he had to try :  
  
- Tasuki... he isn't actually staying.  
  
Kouji gazed at Genrou surprised. He was beginning to feel desperate again. However, Genrou continued speaking :  
  
- But if you ask Genrou, he's gonna say that he shouldn't ever have left. He belongs here.  
  
Kouji immediatly blushed, his eyes shining with happiness. But Genrou was totally puzzled as he saw Kouji sobbing again, new tears flooding his eyes. Genrou smiled to himself, as he embraced Kouji carefully. Kouji now cried against Genrou's chest, shivering.  
  
Genrou knew it. Those were the tears Kouji didn't allow himself to cry when he first left. Those were ashamed, held tears, denied by the excuse of being brave. Genrou slowly pulled Kouji apart, gazing at him with a concerned look. With his fingertips, he carefully wipped away the tears that kept on streaming down from Kouji's blue eyes. Kouji gazed at him, finally calming down.  
  
Genrou's heart was beating accelerated as his eyes met Kouji's. Timidly, he leaned closer to him and captured Kouji's lips in his own, smoothly. Kouji was taken back by surprise at first, but soon enough he was kissing Genrou back. There was nothing particularly chaste about their kiss, or doubtful about their love. There was sincerity in the actions of those two, just as there was relief in the eyes of a embarassed Toshi, who watched the scene from some distance with an unconscious Aiko in his arms.  
  
- Aishiteru, Kouji. - Genrou kindly broke the kiss, gazing at those blue eyes. And in those eyes, there was no need for an answer. It was all there...  
  
......  
  
Sometimes, even time flows. Or maybe it's just our stupid instincts kicking in again, for we think that time can be a short period or fast enough to make our heads spin. That's what I like the most about being human. Our endless imperfection. Sometimes we think, sometimes we are sure. We are moody and foolish, doesn't matter how many times we deny it. But I quite like that. Or at least, I got used to. And we ourselves change as fast as our thoughts do. But we quite don't know it. Isn't it funny, this thing they call 'living' ? The only thing that lingers, however, are our feelings. They may grow in intensity, or simply fade away and disappear. But when they're humble and sincere, they always remain.  
  
You see, sometimes we are so foolish that we think we can ignore our own feelings. I used to be like that. But I'm willing not to fake something like that again. There's no need now, anyway, for you are by my side.  
  
Once, I thought I knew you pretty well. However, you proved me wrong. But what I discovered was such a delightful surprise that I can't help but waiting for more. If we knew it all, life would be too predictable, don't you think ? I'm glad we don't. It'd be all too boring. You know, like when I used to know you...  
  
The End  
  
*** 


End file.
